A ghost from the past
by Emmie D
Summary: JJ's marriage is slowly crumbling, but right now that's the least of her problems. After JJ receives a puzzling phone call, she's forced to face her demons. Luckily she's not alone. Hotch starts to unravel her secrets.. but can he figure out a way to keep her safe? Focused around JJ & Hotch My first story, so I hope you like it! I'm sorry for any grammatical errors
1. Chapter 1

It was in the middle of the night when the phone rang. Hotch woke up while his mind was already running down the possibilities of what could have happened. His first thoughts automatically went out to Jack. He was staying at his aunt, Haley's sister.. What could have happened at such an unearthly hour? His second thought was about his work. Maybe something huge and urgent has happened… oh God don't let it be a terroristic attack..

Whatever it was, it was bad.. that he knew. Although he couldn't see a thing his hand smoothly reached his phone. An unknown number. Jack was probably okay.

"Aaron Hotchner" he answered, his voice sounded calm and steady.

Whatever he'd expected, he didn't expected to hear this voice on the other side of the line.

"Hotch, I'm very sorry to call you this late. I just.. I didn't know who else to call.." he stumbled.

Though he didn't introduce himself, he also didn't have to. His unmistakably southern accent already gave away that he was speaking with Will Lamontagne, JJ's husband.

Immediately alarmed he knew that Will would never call unless it was really important.

"It's okay Will, take a breath.. What happened?" he tried to stay calm in order to keep Will calm.

"It's JJ.. she didn't come home".

Hotch's heart sank, the words he dreaded to hear had just been spoken. This was all wrong, they landed about six hours ago.

Will continued: "She texted me like five hours ago, saying that you were landing. She still hasn't come home and I can't reach her. Maybe it is nothing, but I just had to check whether or not you had another case or something. It worries me that she hasn't texted me."

He could hear his desperation. His mind somehow blocked, went blank. As though his brain refused to process the info. It took him a while to answer. "Okay, just stay calm. No case has come up and I thought she headed home. Have you already contacted hospitals to see if there has been any accidents?" He spoke those words against his will, realizing that 'stay calm' and 'accidents' were totally conflicting things.

"Yes, and I've checked in with the local police station.. nothing"

Hotch didn't expect anything less from dect. Will. "Alright, I'm coming to you, what's the address again?"

He printed the address in his memory and hung up. Then, for a moment, he sat real still. He took a deep breath, he wasn't ready for this…

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It was a weird situation, to stand with JJ's husband in their living room. He looked around and saw a picture of two little girls hanging on the wall. Hotch recognized that one of them was JJ's sister, which would mean that the other girl staring at him, with a big smile and blue eyes, was young JJ. He couldn't help it but to internally smile back at her. He remembered the night when JJ told him about her sister. A rare, intimate moment in which she'd chosen to share a very personal story with him and gave him some insight into her past. He knew that that wasn't easy for her, since she always kept to herself.

Will sat down on the couch, burying his head into his hands. Hotch sat down in a chair across of him. Together they reconstructed the evening from the moment that they landed in Quantico til now. It wasn't very fruitful. Will told him about the same things that he'd already said on the phone. JJ had texted him, telling him they were about to land, telling him not to stay up. Will had already tucked in Henry when he went to bed. He fell asleep but when he woke up, JJ was not lying next to him. He started to call her but although her phone would ring, she didn't pick up.

"I am just so sorry Hotch for calling you so late" he said while shaken his head and staring at his hands "maybe I'm just exaggerating."

It was the second time he spoke those words. Why was he even doubting? This was so out of character for the JJ he knew that it had sent shivers down his spine. So why was Will acting so unsure, insecure, nervous? Could it be that he had an alternative explanation in his mind? And why not share it with him?

"What are you not telling me?" he asked plainly.

Will moved uneasily.

"Will if you know something that could be relevant this is not the time to hold that information back" Hotch spoke firmly but yet with empathy in his voice.

Will looked him in the eyes, but it seemed to cost him effort. "It's just..." he choked.

Hotch could see him waging his words.

"How are things between you and JJ?" he asked and looked away to give him some space to answer his direct question. He had rather not asked it, but it was inescapable.

Will sighed.  
"Rocky" he finally said "we .. uhm" Hotch could hear how Will was building up his courage to talk about it. "We had this huge fight right before she left for the case you were working on."

Hotch hated how familiar this sounded to him. He thought about the countless fights he and Hailey have had over his job.  
"What kind of a fight?" he pressed.

"About her work, and about her and us. Ever since she came back from Afghanistan she's just a different person" Will looked at the ground his eyes almost became hollow. Hotch just realized with a shock that he was mourning about the JJ he'd lost, lost to the job. It was painful to see it all over again.  
His throat fell awfully dry when he asked his next question.

"This wasn't your first fight was it?"

Will gave him a dark smile "if only that was true. All we do is fight" he sounded defeated.

In front of Henry? Hotch wondered.

"Never in front of Henry of course.." it was as if Will had read his mind.

"What does JJ normally do after you had a fight?" Hotch seriously doubted that the answer was walking away and not checking in. Although he suspected that she would do the walking away part.

"Uhm I don't know" Will mumbled "mostly you would go away for a case but afterwards she would always come back."

"So she wouldn't just disappear?"

"No.. but.. well this fight .. it was different" stumbled Will.

"Different how?" Hotch asked sharply.

Will stared at his hands. If he wasn't embarrassed before he certainly was now.  
"We've gotten physical.. or.. well... I've gotten physical with her."

Anger rushed through the entire body of the SSA. He couldn't believe his own ears. How dare he lay his hands on her!

"You hit her?" he whispered, barely able to contain his anger.

Will just nodded, then a took a deep breath.

"You don't know how much I regret it. It just happened before I even realized it."

The words echoed into his mind.. It just happened... words that he had heard woman say protecting their abusive men.. _really he didn't mean it, it just happened..._

"Hitting a woman doesn't just happen" he fought to keep his composure, still aware of Henry sleeping in his room. He turned away from Will, just to free himself from the sight of him. He stood there a few moments while Will wisely kept his mouth.

Then feeling it was safe to talk again he said "you're absolutely right, I don't know what had gotten into me. Just a second in which I lost it, but I would give anything to turn back time..."

Hotch turned around. His eyes were still filled with anger but he calmly said "lets first figure out where JJ is. Because she's still a mother and I highly doubt that she would just stay away from her son like that."

Will silently agreed. "What are we going to do?" he asked next.

Hotch was considering if he should or shouldn't notify his team. On the one hand it was not without a reason that they couldn't already file a missing person order. Even when it was out of character who knew what JJ was doing? Maybe she needed a bit time for herself, cooling off or maybe she was scared to go home... He felt as if notifying everybody would somehow invade her privacy. A thing that JJ really was allergic to. On the other hand he had a really bad feeling about this.. and if anything were to happen with JJ time would be their biggest enemy.

"Alright" he said, at this point deciding that he should do something, anything "I'll call Garcia, if anyone should be able to track her, it's her. In the meantime you call everyone you can think of where she could be, her parents.."

"Her mom" Will interrupted softly as if it mattered.

".. her friends, other relatives, anyone you consider relevant. Okay?" when Will nodded he continued "in the meantime I'll drive the route she takes from your house to the BAU."

He was just about to leave when a buzz interrupted them.

Will reached for his phone, his mouth dropped.

"What is it?" Hotch said alarmed.

"It's JJ..." Will said confused.

Hotch grabbed the phone and read the text.

_'Sorry I didn't respond earlier, hope you didn't worry too much. At the last minute a case came up. Just landed. Very sorry! Give Henry a big kiss.' _

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Both men looked confused at the phone.

Will was stunned, he opened his mouth to say something, closed it and then opened it again.

"Do you guys ever split up when you got a case?" he asked, not directly believing JJ was lying to him. If in fact it was JJ sending that text.

"No, not without me knowing about it" Hotchner answered.

Will blinked a couple of times, why was she lying to him?

"What should I do?"

"Call her" first let's find out if it really was JJ, Hotch thought.

"And say what?" Will asked.

"Just let her do the talking, ask her if she's okay. Listen closely to how she sounds, do it now."

Will quickly entered her number and held the phone to his ear. It took a long time and Hotch was almost surprised when Will suddenly said: "Hey .. JJ, what's going on?... Another case?... Where? ... So quickly?... You've got the whole team with you?..."

Will gave Hotch a quick look and then turned a bit away from him, lowering his voice.

"JJ, I was worried about you... I'm just so sorry, so so sorry. You can come back home, if you want me to leave the house for a while... JJ, tell me honestly are you okay?... Okay JJ... Please text me as soon as you can.."

Overall it was a hasty conversation. Hotch saw how the man sighed. JJ was lying. But why? And was she okay? Or just scared of Will?

"Will, what did she say?" he asked carefully.

"That you guys were working on a case in Pennsylvania and that she was okay, she sounded distracted and in a hurry" Will shook his head "she's lying, Hotch."

"Yes, I will contact her, make sure that she's safe" he answered, for that was his priority.

Will looked at him. "Will you please not mention our conversation?"

"No of course not" he said discretely. The last thing he wanted was to get caught up in their marital problems and to lose JJ's trust.

There was an awkward silence between the men. Both felt very uncomfortable by the knowledge Hotch had now.

"I'm so sorry again for waking you up and get you caught up in this" Will broke the silence with his third or fourth apology.

"No really, it is not a problem. I can perfectly understand why you did and you're absolutely right. Please let me know if JJ contacts you" he took a breath " your marital issues are something between you and JJ. But detective, make no mistakes, if you hit my agent again I will make it my case. You understand?"

"Crystal clear. Thank you for looking out for her" he shook the hand of the FBI agent "let me know if you get in touch with her."

Hotch gave him a nod and walked out the door.

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The road was dark and pretty much abandoned.. His mind was running down in hundred different directions about what was going on with JJ. He just couldn't believe Will hit her. His hand clamped around the wheel. What on earth made him 'lose' it like that? He could never imagine hitting the mother of your child.. and especially not hitting JJ. _  
'Ever since she came back from Afghanistan she's just a different person' _ he heard Will's voice echoing inside his head.  
Damn it! He didn't even know what Will exactly meant by that! Why had he forgotten to ask that? He just assumed that Will meant her more businesslike, goal-oriented attitude. He couldn't believe his own stupidity. Assumption was the mother of all mistakes! It was like lesson number 1.  
He made a mental note to remember to ask Will about it, at least if it should still be relevant.

He looked at the digital clock in his car, 4 o'clock. He didn't even feel tired anymore, probably because of the years of experience with staying alert at critical times. His mind wondered of to what Will said earlier. He corrected him when he told him to call JJ's parents. Her mom, he had said.

Hotch wondered where JJ's dad was. He wasn't at JJ's wedding to give her away, instead her mom did. At that point he kind of assumed that JJ's farther had passed away. But when Garcia had kept her Halloween party to pay respects to the dads, JJ had brought a picture of her sister but not of her dad.

The longer Hotch thought about it, the more the feeling he got that there was something off. When family members pass away, especially on a younger age, you tend to put them together. As a comfort that where ever they are, they're together. JJ's sister had passed when JJ was eleven. If JJ's father had passed away, he would (comparing it to JJ's mother) also have been relatively young. The most logical thing for JJ to do was to bring both a picture of her sister Ros, and a picture of her dad along. For him that narrowed it down to a few possibilities: the first one was that JJ's father was still alive but JJ had such a poor relationship with him that he wasn't even invited at the wedding, the second one was that her father had passed away but that for some reason JJ would not want his picture near to that of her beloved sister which, again, came down to a poor relationship.

In his mind a poor relationship with her father clicked with another issue of JJ, namely her commitment issues. The first relationship with a man almost any girl have, is that with her father. If her father abandoned her or treated her badly it would provide an explanation for her fear of engaging in a serious relationship. Add to that the sudden, self-chosen death of her sister and anyone would be afraid of being hurt in an intimate relationship. A fear that she obviously have had with Will. He had envied Will for quite a lot, but certainly not for that.

A shock of realization hit him. He had just broken one of his personal rules, namely to not profile his co-workers. It was like a rule of integrity for him. He was scared to admit to himself that he had just treated JJ the same as he did with the victims of their cases.

If only he could speak with her. He didn't want JJ to know that he knew about the marital problems. But he also needed to hear for himself that she was doing okay. He needed some excuse to call her at this hour.

And the only thing he could think of was another case.

He turned around the car and headed towards the building of the BAU.


	2. Chapter 2

The tall, blonde agent let herself fall on the bed. Finally, after more than 24 hours, she could close her eyes for a bit and hopefully get some rest. If she was really lucky get some sleep. It was now that she felt how tired her body was. Her eyes were heavy as she slowly closed them.

_"You can't run this time.."_

JJ immediately opened her eyes and one hand reached for the lamp while her other hand reached for her weapon.

"Who's there!" she yelled, pointing the gun at different corners of the room. But the motel room was completely abandoned except for her.

It was just a dream, a hallucination. She felt stupid for being so jumpy.

So far for getting some rest.

She grabbed her phone. She promised Will to contact him as soon as possible.. She should text him, let him know she was okay. But the problem was she didn't know if she was okay. Even though she didn't want him to worry, she felt reluctant to contact him. JJ felt her cheek. It was still sore, but thankfully she was able to cover up the bruise. It was the least of her problems now.  
Then she saw an incoming text from her boss.

_'New case: possible abduction missing girl' _was all the text said.

Man, they can't be serious not when they've just closed one. Not in the weekend when she needed the free days so hard.

The phone rang, Hotch.

"Hey Hotch" she said, immediately responding.

"JJ, I'm sorry for waking you, we've possibly got a new case" he said in his business-like voice.

"I know, I just read your text. Hotch I'm sorry, I can't come in" she stuttered. How was she going to explain this.

"Why not?" she could hear some superstition in his voice.

"I just.. I can't really explain it.. I'm sorry, but believe me it's impossible for me to get to Quantico right now" she said.

"Okay, where are you now?" his voice sounded worried.

"Uhmm.. I'm.. it's kind of a family matter. I wanted to call you tomorrow, but now that I speak to you could I perhaps take my vacation days?" she asked, already regretting that she didn't spend those days with Henry.

"Yes, I suppose that should be possible" he paused for a moment "JJ, is everything all right?"

"Hotch, I'm fine.. really" she tried to sound as convincing as possible.

"JJ, you're not obligated to tell me what's going on but I do need to know you're okay" she didn't get away with it that easily.

"I'm okay Hotch, I swear" JJ sighed, she was tired of all the lies but she couldn't possibly tell the truth. Therefore she compromised.  
"Hotch I'm... how to say this... something has come up and I need to figure this out. I don't know how long it's going to take. I am okay, believe me I am. But I'm just a bit ... confused I guess."

There was a moment of silence between them. Both knew it was a pretty step for her to be so revealing.

"Thank you JJ. If you need me don't ever hesitate to call me" it was all he could do.

"Thanks, I will" she hung up. It was probably one of the most personal talks they had since a few years. And that was a strange thought. She and Hotch use to be closer in some weird way, but for some reason they both became a bit more distant since she had returned to the team. She realized she'd missed him a bit.

She rolled over. Her weapon still in her hand. She wasn't allowed to carry the weapon when she wasn't on duty, therefore she had bought a private weapon. JJ actually hated weapons and was fierce fully against the ease with which civilians could purchase them, but this one time she had to make an exception.

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All in all she slept for about two perhaps three hours. It was as if she'd slept on the floor. Her body was sore and the muscles in her shoulders painfully cramped, causing her an headache.

It was a beautiful day, the sun shined and the temperature was nice enough to wear a T-shirt. She drove down the streets she had always wanted to escape from. Everything still looked the same, as if time had stood still. She parked in front of a beautiful white house and rang the doorbell. She would have been excited if the reason for her visit wasn't so dark.

"JJ!" Sandy Jareau opened the door and greeted her daughter with a hug.

"Mom" she let her go so JJ could breathe again.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming to visit me! Or are you working on a case?" Sandy could not believe her eyes, it was so good to see her little girl again.

"I wanted to surprise you! And no, I'm not working on a case, but I'm doing some research in Pennsylvania " JJ added, which wasn't a lie entirely.

Sandy knew better than to ask too many questions about her work. She looked at her daughter and hugged and kissed her again. Then they went into the house where Sandy made them a cup of tea and JJ phoned Will to tell him she was okay. The living room bathed in sunlight as the two woman sat next to each other babbling about the family and their lives. Sandy took in every second with her beautiful daughter, all the time that she got with her felt like a gift.

"And how is our town doing?" JJ asked.

"Just fine, Helen got married with Ben this summer" Sandy babbled a while about who's marrying who and who's gotten pregnant.

"So only good news then?"

"Yes, I believe so" Sandy answered. Her daughter smiled at her, that answer seemed to relieve her a bit.

"And how are you? Anything special happened lately?" she asked.

"No, not really. Everything's just fine, especially when you're around. So are you going to stay in your room or should I make up the guestroom?" Sandy said.

JJ thought about it for a little while but then asked her mother to make up the guestroom.


	3. Chapter 3

After chitchatting with her mother JJ went to see Smith, Smitty she always used to call the retired detective.

"JJ!" he said when he saw her approaching.

"Smitty" both their faces broke down in a smile.

"It is so good to see you!" the old man gave her a firm hug.

"Right back at you" she said.

"So what can I do for you?" he spoke directly, skipping the small talk. One of the reasons she'd always liked him.

"I need some information, concerning some murders and disappearances in the surrounding area's" she said.

His smile faded and wrinkles appeared in his forehead.

"Well I don't want to state the obvious but can't you better ask the local police stations of the concerning towns for information?"

She felt how her cheeks turned a bit red, but she had prepared herself for this question.

"Well actually I'm not working on an official case yet. I'm doing some preliminary research, it is the other part of the job" she said hasty. "And c'mon Smitty, we all know you follow every case in our jurisdiction. I'm sure that by now you've collected more and more accurate information than those cops over there" she flattered him.

"Can't deny that" he joked.

"Besides I like to have some information before contacting those agents" she added. She couldn't really tell whether or not he bought her story but he didn't ask any more questions and for that she was grateful.

"Just let me grab my information" he said.

The old man came back a couple of shoeboxes filled with papers, news articles and notes.

"I don't know which of the cases you were aiming for so I brought all ongoing and finished cases of murders and disappearances within the last 3 years."

"That's great Smitty, thank you. If you don't mind I like to take a look to all of them" she knew he didn't mind. Whenever you talked with him about a case he got so driven and enthusiastic that he could hardly be stopped.

JJ grabbed a shoebox and opened it. Inside was a photo of an attractive young blonde woman.

"That's Clarissa" Smitty said "she was only 20 years old when they found her body a couple of months ago. She was half buried in the woods. Bastard raped her first and then shot her a couple of time. It is still an ongoing case but the investigation seemed to already have reached a dead end."

"Half-buried?'

"Yes, looks like the unsub didn't really tried to keep the murder a secret."

"How about this one?" JJ grabbed another box.

"That's Mandy, she was only eleven. She was strangled and dumped in the woods. Different town, different woods."

They were both a moment silent in which JJ processed the horrible information.

"Any sexual assault?" JJ asked, praying that the answer would be no.

"They couldn't tell. The wild animals had already mutilated the body... pretty severely... More than six months went by, before they finally discovered her body.."

"Must have been a large forest than" JJ said.

"It is" he confirmed "so what are you exactly looking for?"

"I don't know yet... but I know it once I'll see it.." she mumbled, speaking more to herself than to Smitty.

Smitty raised an eyebrow.

"We try to look for certain patterns in behaviour or victimology and see if there's a link to certain geographic information. For instance you'll find many woods in the surrounding area. Well with the first two murders we discussed the woods already played a big role" she improvised.

Smitty grinned.

"What?" JJ asked.

"Oh nothing, it's just you and the woods" Smitty gave her a wink.

_' Me and the woods' _JJ thought with a deep sigh.

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Hotch had a pretty hard time concentrating. Even though he was pretty reassured JJ was okay, his mind kept wandering off to what was going on with her and what she exactly meant by family matter. Did she need some time off to figure out her marriage with Will? Could it be that Will only told him half of the truth... could it be the violence was more extensive. Lying, covering up it was out of character for Will, but then again so was hitting.. that scared him...  
They could make perfect profiles by which they could predict and catch an UnSub, but when people do things that are out of character they become unpredictable.. And Hotch couldn't control it, or prevent it.

"So.. uhm.. what do you think?" he was vaguely aware that someone was talking to him.

"Hotch?" Garcia looked a bit insecure at him with her blonde hair in two ponytails.

"I am sorry Garcia, you need to repeat that to me one more time" he said.

"Ohw okay" it was unusual for Hotch to be distracted "so I asked you what do you think about the murders in Manhattan. Do you think it's a case for the BAU?"

Right, Manhattan.

"I don't think we're dealing with a serial killer. The first two seem to be familicides to me" he explained.

"They do?" Garcia frowned.

"Yes but from different subtypes. The first one seemed to be committed out of jealousy. The wife was about to leave him for another man. Also the murder by proxy type. The second one however seems to be a suicide by proxy type, the husband lost his job and his sense to be able to protect his family."

"Ah okay.." Garcia didn't really got it but she took a little note.

"The murders 3 and 4 don't seem to fit in. Let Morgan have a look at them and sent them back with our remarks."

"Yes, sir. Well if we don't have a case then I guess we've got a couple days off" she said with a smirk.

"You wish" Hotch gave her his rarely smile, the corners of his mouth curled a little bit. "Time for the administration, rapports, giving information to students, arrange for interviews with serial killers, make sure that the procedures for the court..."

"Alright stop! I get it. All work, no play" she joked "on the on hand it's a good thing that we don't have a new case, now that JJ is on vacation."

Hotch nodded.

"So is everything okay?" Garcia dared to ask.

"Yes, I'm just a little tired. I was thinking about taken some vacation days as well" he answered.

"So what's stopping you? Get some free time!" Garcia said plainly, ignorant to his enormous sense of responsibility.

Hotch took a deep breath, ready to protest. But then he seemed to change his mind.

"I just might" he muttered.

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They'd spent all day sorting out the boxes. Separating the male from the female victims, the finished cases from the ongoing cases, and searching for some pattern in the modus operandi. There wasn't really any one, except for those damn woods. With a lot of pain and effort she had convinced Smitty to take some of the boxes, returning them in a couple of days. She wanted to go over them again when she was alone, but Smitty didn't like to give his carefully collected information away.

It was dark when she stepped in her car. She was exhausted and was looking forward to finally a good night's rest.

She didn't know whether to be happy or not that on first sight there wasn't any pattern jumping out. Maybe it was all just one sick joke. She thought about the phone calls. The first three calls he didn't say anything. She just assumed that she had a bad connection, never once suspecting that it could be something entirely different. Then there was that night that she was all alone. Will was working late and Henry was staying with a playmate. The phone went but when she answered it, it was all quiet. She'd almost hung up when suddenly a deep male voice spoke.

"Jennifer... Remember me...?" he said, taking his time.

"Who is this?" JJ said aggressively. She was more angry then scared at that point. Ready to fight this creep.

The man just laughed.

She hung up. She wouldn't give this son of a bitch any more of her time.

But the phone went again. She hesitated. Then she answered.

"What?!" she said.

"Don't hang up on me!" the man was angry as well "that is, unless you want to lose your mother as well."

That had shut her up, she was stunned that her mother came in the picture.

The man seem to relax a little bit, knowing that he was in control again.

"Now I know what you want to do.. but I'll promise you _Jenny_.. you really don't want to do that.." she could hear him laughing "you can't run this time..." and then he hung up.

She was planning on calling Garcia, asking her if she could trace the man. But as soon as he'd said 'Jenny' she had flinched.. cramped...

Her heart started to pound harder.. she almost gasped for air..

She didn't know why she got scared, but she did. It happened automatically, as if her body was telling her something her mind couldn't remember. She didn't want to tell anyone. To her own surprise she felt very defensive about the thought of anyone knowing about this. She just needed to get to her mom.

That was a week ago. And now she was here.

She took a deep breath and started the car when her phone went. Her first thought was of Hotch. She grabbed her phone and stopped breathing for a moment when she saw an unkown caller ID. She brought the phone slowly to her ear.

"I see you followed my bread crumbs..."


	4. Chapter 4

Her first reaction was to grab her phone and call Hotch. And she almost had, but last second she started to hesitate, again feeling reluctant to inform anyone. Her hands shook when she put her phone away. She was a FBI agent! She had encountered many dangerous situations in which she'd stayed calm and steady. So why did this threat get to her so much? Because this one is personal... she answered her own question. Then she realized, her mom!  
What if he meant that the bread crumbs let to her mom?  
She rushed home, only feeling panic. For a second she thought about the time Foyet had gotten to Haley and how Hotch had rushed, trying to save her ... did he feel the same is she felt now?

She ran to the front door, her hands were shaken so much that it seemed like forever before she was able to put the key in the lock.

"Mom!" she yelled, storming in the house.

No response, the house was dark and quiet.

"Mom!" she yelled again, drawing her gun.

Suddenly a light went on, blinding JJ. She pointed her gun at the end of the hallway.

"JJ!" her mom was looking at her with big, frightened eyes, automatically throwing both hands in the air. The international sign for 'don't shoot me'.

JJ immediately lowered her gun. She felt how the panic slowly left her body.

"Mom, are .. are you alright?" she stuttered.

Her mother relaxed as well, she walked toward JJ, carefully taking her in her arms.

"I think I should ask you that question" she said gently.

JJ looked her in the eyes. She wanted to break down, cry and stay in her moms arms forever. But she couldn't and her natural instincts took over. She pulled herself together, straightened up.

"I'm sorry for scaring you, I just saw all the lights off and I got this gut feeling that something was off" she said, her mother looked worried.

"I'm sorry" she repeated "I guess it's the job.. Over alertness has become a second nature.." JJ smiled.

Her mother still looked worried, didn't go along with her fake smile.

"Maybe you should take some time off.. get everything out of your head" she suggested.

"Yes, maybe I should.. after this investigation" she said tiredly.

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Sandy flat out hated the job of her daughter. She never fully understood why her daughter had ambitioned a career as FBI-agent. She didn't know how it had impacted her as a mother. She wanted to call her daughter every day to make sure she was okay. It took a lot of effort to keep herself at an appropriate distance to give her daughter the space she needed to live her life and pursue her own goals.

But now she was more worried than before. Walking around ready to pinpoint a gun was just dangerous. But it was the look in her eyes that had really scared her, a bewildered, panic look. This wasn't normal. She could tell that her job had taken his toll. She would talk about it tomorrow, when they both had some good night sleep.

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JJ couldn't sleep, she was just staring at the ceiling.

Her mom was probably thinking that she had a burn-out.. she was surprised if she didn't think that.

She looked at her phone, she started to hate the thing. She almost jumped out of bed when it suddenly rang. JJ quietly cursed at herself and brought up the courage to look at it... Will.. she could breathe again..

"Hey honey" she heard him say.

"Hey Will" was her more distant reaction. She could hear how it made him insecure.

"I just wanted to call.. you know.. to hear you voice.. hear if you're okay" Will said.

"I'm fine" JJ said irritated. She hated herself for being so grumpy toward Will, she knew he was trying to make amends. "How is everything with the little man?" she added with a more softer voice.

"He's fine, he made you a nice artwork at school" that made her smile. "JJ... how are we doing?"

She took a deep breath, she didn't know. She felt very angry toward him, but underneath very sad.. He broke her trust and she couldn't tell whether that trust could be restored.

"Will I just... I can't deal with us right now you understand? I don't have any room in my head to think about us now.."

There was a silent moment. She knew that he was disappointed to hear this, but it was the truth.

"Okay" he said "well uhm.. just take your time and I'll speak to you soon."

"Yes, give Henry a big kiss."

"I will, goodnight" he hung up.

She rubbed her face. She knew that she could forget about sleep. She opened the boxes she took from Smitty and spread the information on the floor. Girls and woman were staring at her. There was only one thing they had in common namely the woods as dumping place. But all other aspects differ. From age to the way they were murdered. And since there were many woods in the area, she feared that woods alone wasn't a good reason to suspect a the work serial killer. Still JJ had an eerie feeling that there was something she missed.

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Sandy was making breakfast when her daughter entered the room. Sandy stiffened when she saw JJ. She looked even more tired than yesterday.

"JJ, did you sleep at all?" Sandy didn't hide her concern.

"A little bit" JJ looked away.

"Whatever was going on it needs to stop! You can't go on like this. It's unhealthy" her mother said in desperation.

"Mom, please don't worry about me.."

"Don't worry? Of course I worry, I'm your mother. I'll always worry. Tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing.. I'm just caught up in an investigation.." JJ couldn't finish her sentence.

"Don't give me that! If it's your job than put it on hold."

"Mom, I just can't drop everything" JJ started to get desperate as well.

"Yes you can! Your job isn't the most important thing. Your health is and Henry is. And if you want to be there for Henry you have to look after yourself!" desperation has taken place for anger.

JJ snapped. She was sooo tired.. she couldn't have this bullshit now.  
"You don't understand, you don't carry the responsibility! You don't see the girls, boys, woman that are abducted and murdered! You don't see their families.. How powerless they feel.. YOU live in your perfect little bubble, that I'm trying REALLY hard to keep perfect by catching those bastards!"

"That is exactly why you need to take a break! You can't keep on seeing this horror ever day! It will destroy you.. It will make you carry a weapon into your home and point it randomly!"

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do!" her mother just wouldn't back of.

"I am still you mother! And it's my job to look out for you and if you're so stubborn to ignore what's good for you, than that's your case, but I am also a grandmother! And I WILL protect Henry!"

That was it, bringing up Henry was the final straw.

"Don't walk away now!" her mother yelled.

JJ was so angry that she needed to get out. She almost reached the door when she froze. Her phone...

One hand automatically reached for her gun when she heard her ringtone.

Sandy saw how her daughter had a gun in one hand and her phone in the other. She was stunned for a moment. It was the second time she saw her daughter grab her gun.

"JJ.. please give me the gun."

JJ looked up from her phone to her mother. Then she walked out the door.

Sandy put one hand on her chest. She felt her heart beat like crazy. As a mother she had to make decision.

Sandy stood up and searched for a list of phone numbers that her daughter once gave her and dialled a number.

"Yes hello, am I speaking to agent Hotchner?"


	5. Chapter 5

Hotch took the first plane to Pennsylvania. It was almost a weird experience to take a regular flight with more than five other passengers. He certainly hasn't missed it. The cliché woman with crying baby sat in front of him, an arrogant man dishing his girlfriend on the phone left of him, and an awfully quiet lady who just stared in front of her sat at his right.

It was the second time that he got a startling phone call of a family member of JJ, but this time from her mother.

".. am I speaking to agent Hotchner. Yes, you're speaking with Sandy Jareau, JJ's mom. I know this is an unusual call but I would like to talk to you about my daughter. I know you've put her on a sort research, but I can see that she's not doing well. I think she might have worked too much.. I tried to talk with JJ, but that .. well that didn't go that well... I know that I'm in no position to ask this, but might it be possible you have a talk with her? Perhaps considering taking her of the research?.. I'm just sorry to bother you with this.. and again I know how uncommon it is.. but I just don't feel appease with her being stressed and carrying her weapon.. not that I want to say that she's going to do anything, of course not, but I can tell the job just takes a lot of her.."

He repeated the puzzling conversation over and over in his head. What was JJ doing? What was she covering up? Lying about some sort of research.. carrying a weapon which certainly couldn't be her duty weapon.. Why was she carrying a weapon? What was she afraid of? .. this couldn't be about Will could it?

He told Sandy that he would come over, see if he could help her with the research and talk to her. He could tell that it was more than the mother had hoped for, and see thanked him a couple of times.

Before he went on the plane he'd called with Will.

"Did you hit JJ more than one time?" he asked directly.

"What..." said the overwhelmed Will.

"Did you assault her?"

"No.. no .. Hotch"

"How long did the abuse go on?" Hotch kept drilling.

"Hotch.. wait a second, just wait! What's this about? I told you the truth" Will almost cried out.

"You hit her one time? Just that one time?" his tone was harsh and sharp.

"Yes! yes I hit her one time.. I told you the whole truth about what happened" he couldn't help but to believe Will.

"Okay" he said abruptly and hung up.

He then tried to call JJ but he went straight to voicemail. In all those years that he had known her, she never had turned off her phone. He could always reach her, even if it was in the middle of the night. His hands were sweaty, he wiped them off on his pants.

He couldn't stand the thought that something was going on with JJ and that she wouldn't tell anyone.. not Will, not Garcia, not Reid…. not him… He had to admit, that hurt..

He felt angry at her, but moreover he felt angry at himself. Last couple of years he didn't really talked to her about how she was doing… he never even asked about her time away, as if he didn't care. He couldn't remember the last time when they had real conversation, one that mattered. No wonder she hadn't confide in him, why would she? He hadn't really shown her that she could..

He breathed in and felt the anger poking in his heart, but when he breathed out it was as if he had blown the anger in the air and he now his heart was filled with sadness. Before he knew it he was robbing his hands in his face, which broke the magic spell that had bewitched the woman at his right when she finally snapped out of her stare and looked at him. She raised an eyebrow but he quickly looked away, pretending to look out the small window.

Suddenly the voice of the stewardess echoed throughout the plain: "would everybody please take their seat and fasten their seatbelt, were about to land."

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The weather was much hotter than he had participated. His blouse was almost to warm, he rolled up his sleeves. He rented a car and drove to the address Sandy had given him.

He remembered the woman from JJ's wedding. The same blonde hair, the same blue eyes as JJ.

"Agent Hotchner" she said and opened her arms, which confused Hotch for he could not imagine that the woman wanted to hug him.

He didn't know what to do, but both of her hand grabbed his as if he was an old acquaintance.

"I didn't expect you so early, come in, come in."

Sandy showed him the way, and made him some coffee in the kitchen while Hotch waited in the living room.

"I'm so glad that you would take the time and effort to come" she yelled from the kitchen.

"Oh no really it's no problem at all" he replied.

She entered the room and brought along with her the delicious smell of coffee. They sat down at the table.

"JJ always speaks very high of you. She respects you a lot you know" she said, not knowing that he only felt more guilty for not looking after her more.

He looked around the room. It was cosy with soft colours. He saw a picture standing at one of the bookshelves. A pretty young lady looked in the camera with bright eyes. Sandy followed his gaze.

"That's Rosaline, JJ's sister" she said.

"Yes I recognize her, JJ has told me a little bit about her."

"Oh did she!" Sandy was pleasantly surprised "JJ always had a hard time talking about her, it's remarkable that she told you that."

Sandy stood up and took the photo of Rosaline and handed it over to Hotch so that he could take a closer look.

He smiled at it.

"She looks like a lovely young lady" he said. He had a feeling that she was dying to talk about her daughter with someone.

"Yes she was! She was always smiling and happy" she immediately replied.

"What was she like?" he encouraged her.

"She was a bit of leader. Always the first one to speak and take initiative. But at the same time she wasn't dominant in a negative way. She always wanted to include everybody. She was more outgoing than JJ was. And her smile was just contagious" Sandy said proudly.

"Could she and JJ get along?" Hotch asked.

"Oh yes, absolutely! Despite the age difference they were like best friends. JJ used to sleep a lot in Roseline's bed.. they called it their slumber parties. And Ben and I could hear them talking and giggling, and Ben always pretended to be angry and went in their room and told them that if they didn't go to sleep right away then there would be no more slumbering" Sandy smiled at the memory.

Hotch smiled along. Realizing that those sounds where now long lost and she must miss them in the empty house.

"She sounded so…" Hotch wanted to say vividly but didn't know if that was appropriate.

Sandy nodded, she understood where the SSA was going.

"Yes, she was full of life" she helped him out "you are wondering why she took her own life, weren't you?"

"I'm sorry if I have been to invasive" he apologized.

"No, you haven't. I've been wondering the same question over and over again. Why would she wanted to stop living? She had friends, family.. It was only a couple of weeks before her death that she had distant herself from us. She didn't really eat that much and she had a hard time falling sleeping" Sandy paused for a moment.

"I thought it was just puberty, I didn't think much about it" she continued. "You know, I even thought that she was in love" she looked like she would hit herself on the forehead.

"You had no way of knowing.." Hotch tried to sooth.

"I know, I mean rationally I know that it's not my fault.. but it doesn't feel that way.. I feel like I should've seen the warning signs and had taken them more seriously."

He wasn't going to argue that. When it comes to feelings there is just no right or wrong, no rational. He mind wandered off to Hailey.. he still felt guilty, even though he knew it was a totally pointless feeling.

"It must have been so hard on all of you" he said.

"Yes it was, and JJ at such a vulnerable age, she was only eleven" Sandy shook her head as if she still couldn't believe it.

Hotch only gave her a nod. It was indeed a vulnerable age, right before puberty. Right before the time that she was going to figure out herself and form her own identity.

"And then when her dad left.. well that just destroyed her.. her whole basic sense of trust was gone."

"Her father left?" this was new.

"Yes, when JJ was twelve, almost thirteen. You know losing a child.. losing Ros.. it shattered everything.. the four of us were a family and losing our Ros, well it was just like a part of you is gone, as if your amputated. We would and we will never be completely whole again.. And Ben he just couldn't deal with it, especially when JJ was hitting puberty.." she stopped for a moment.

Hotch knew what would come next. "She started to look like her sister didn't she?" he asked softly, gently.

"Everyday a little bit more" Sandy said bitterly "she started growing up so fast. Ben could hardly look at her, it was too painful."

That must have been devastating for JJ..

"And JJ knew, we all knew. He started to distant himself from her. And then one day he left, leaving a note how sorry he was. I should've been outraged, furious.. but somehow I never was. The only thing it ever was to me, was tragic. Everything about it was tragic. I think that's why I could never blame him."

Sandy took a deep breath. Hotch suddenly realized they hadn't started off with a typical small talk.

"But of course JJ did blame him. And she had every right. Not only did she lose her sister, she also lost her father. She never has forgiven him, not even when he passed away. She was so angry back in those days. She really wanted to move houses, begged met too, but I couldn't. I couldn't give up the memories of Ros, of Ben, of our happy family. When all JJ wanted was to forget about them. So she often ran away."

"Where did she ran off to?" he asked.

"I never really knew.. but I guess mostly in the woods.. she loved the quietness and calmness of nature, she loved to be on her own. Back in those days our local detective would always pick her up and bring her back home. Smitty we call him. He became a really good friend of ours. I guess he sometimes functioned as a father figure."

She seemed a bit confused, so he gave her some time to recollect her thoughts.

"One day she'd stopped running away.." she said slowly, digging her memory "and slowly she improved. She did have a hard time fitting in with her schoolmates, not because they didn't think she was nice, but because she didn't care for those typical things like teenage things like fashion, boys, make-up. But gradually, when everybody grew older, she started to make more friends. And then one day started smiling again."

Hotch smiled bittersweet. He never knew about this heart breaking story. He always knew that JJ was tough, but now he could _feel _ how tough she must have been.

"Ahh, look at me! Talking about the past like an old lady. I'm sorry if I have bored you with my stories, it was of course not why you have come" she said, her cheeks were a bit red.

"Really, you haven't bored me for a second! I have as much as respect for JJ as she has for me, if not more. And this makes me respect her only more. But you right that we should talk about what's going on" he added.

"So what is going on and where's JJ?"


	6. Chapter 6

Her hands were trembling on the wheel. Not of fear, but of anger. She was angry at the creep harassing her, and angry at herself.

Angry that she yelled at her mother, angry that she couldn't control herself and angry that she let those phone calls terrorize her. She was ready to take charge again. If only her hands would stop trembling.

"Why don't you face me?" she had said to the threatening voice on the other side, when he had called her while she was at her moms.

It had been silent for a while and JJ had expected that he would hang up.

"You'll find me at the right place at the right time" he finally said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" JJ was sick and tired of his stupid games.

She could hear him sigh, he was running out of patience and didn't want her to spoil his game.

"At the _right time_" he repeated "btw I see that you visited our old friend".

He hung up before she could think about what that meant.

Right place, right time? our old friend.. there is no our.. visited our old friend.. what if he meant?.. Oh God.. Smitty!

She drove like crazy to get to his house while phoning him from the car. She got a creepy flashback from yesterday, but now she was able to push her panic aside and keep relatively calm.

"JJ" he answered friendly. She felt instantly relieved to hear his voice.

"Hey" she was able to keep her tone calm and normal, even a bit cheerful "I was wondering if I could come over?"

"Well you could, but I'm not home. I was just taking a look at the woods where Clarissa was found. I wanted to form a better image."

"Alright, could I join you?" she felt a need to be close to him.

"Sure" he probably thought that she shared his driven mind-set.

"It's like a 45 minute drive right?" she was digging her memory for the exact location.

Smitty explained her the route she had to take.

She hang up and stared at that cursed device that caused her some much misery and she turned it off. She was driving for nearly 10 minutes when she heard the radio warning for an upcoming storm, which was treacherous with this warm weather. They better hurry.

The more she drove easterly the harder the wind got. She could feel it banging against her car. Then out of nothing the rain came pouring down. This wasn't a good idea. She turned on the phone again, she had a missed call.. but she would check it later. First she should call Smitty and blow it off, they could never take a good look with this rain and wind bashing on them.

She speed dialed the number.

" I was j.. goin.. call you" he said.

"I can't hear you" she almost yelled back "let's go back, this storm is pretty bad."

"My idea exactly, I'm just walking to my car" she could hear him perfectly again "we will take a close look tomorr.. Aagh"

"Smitty! Smitty!" JJ yelled.

No response. Then, in a short moment, she heard it: a laugh.

Then it was gone.

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She blinked a couple of times.

Did she really heard someone laugh? Yes, she did. He was there. He had Smitty.

She didn't know where she got the strength from, but she pulled herself together and dialled 911. She could hear herself talking from a distant with a steady voice. They told her to wait in the car, it was too dangerous to go in the woods by herself with this storm. And she soon found out that it was a legitimate warning. The wind was so hard that branches easily broke from the trees and fell on the ground like bombs. She parked the car and without second thoughts grabbed her gun and ran into the woods. She did her best to remember coordinates he had gave her, but she quickly found his car.

"Smitty!" the wind blew away her words.

She kept running, but the ground had became so slippery from the rain, that it didn't take long before she fell in the mud. She stood up again.

"Smitty!"

A branch fell off and she could duck just in time to keep it from falling on her head, but she felt painfully how it scratched her arm and apparently deep enough to feel her warm blood run over her arm.

JJ was about to call for Smitty, when she suddenly saw a short man lying on the ground close to a tree.

She fell down next to him, letting down her guard.

"Smitty" she whispered, "it's okay, it's going to be okay. I'm here, you're going to be okay. The ambulance is on its way."

He didn't open his eyes, he didn't move his limbs. His body only let out an horrible groan, that lasted for moments.

In those moments she realized what he meant for her. He had been her mentor, her guardian, even a father at times.

He couldn't die, he just couldn't.

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Hotch was staring at the photo's of women and girls that were spread out on the floor.

Sandy had shown him the guestroom in which JJ was working on the "research".

He had no idea what he was looking for. He couldn't see any clear connection between the cases. Despite their gender and the woods, they differed on practically everything. No indication that it was the same killer.

So what was JJ looking for?

He looked around the room, another question came to mind: why was she doing this in the guestroom?

Did she want to keep her room safe from the gruesome information or something?

He felt how his curiosity grow.. would he take a peek at her room? It wasn't hard to guess which room belonged to JJ. Her letters stick on the door.

He took a deep breath and carefully opened the door and took a few steps.

The room he was standing in was by far one of the most peculiar he had seen. It was as if the room couldn't make up its mind whether to belong to a teenager or an adult. If it wasn't for a couple of rock band posters hanging on the wall, he would've almost believed that he was standing in the guest room. The colours were.. well non-existing really. He was struck by the tidiness of the room. Very unlike the chaotic JJ, that used to have boxes standing everywhere in her room when she was the liaison person. He saw one picture standing on a desk of JJ and a couple of girls in their sports outfit. It was the most personal item of the room he could discover.

It gave him a sad feeling and all of a sudden he got this urge to just get out.

He thought about a conversation he and JJ had a couple of years ago.

'_Why did you play?' _ he'd asked when JJ told him she'd hated playing in the soccer team.

_'Athletic scholarship was the only way I was getting to college.. It was my only way out..'_ she'd said.

_'...my only way out...' _ he could hear her voice echoing in his head.

Out of what?

Out of this town.. away from bad memories..

Everything in this room screamed 'Get out!'.. 'run!'

And he did. He got out of the room.

Embarrassed.. that word summed up everything he felt right now.

As if he had read her diary. Could he invade her privacy even more?

He scolded himself. He had no right to just look at her room like that. He wished he hadn't.

The sound of a slamming front door brought him back to reality.

He heard how Sandy quickly walked to the hallway and let out a sound that was in-between a scream and squeal.

He walked to the stairs and there he was looking down on JJ...

JJ...

all covered in mud and blood...


	7. Chapter 7

She saw the panic in her moms eyes as she let out a scream. She had forgotten that she must've looked terrible. Then in the corner of her eyes she saw a man appear at the top of the stairs.

Hotch!

It was as if someone had given her an electric shock.

Her mind was terrible slow at processing his appearance. Had he heard her silent screams for him? No... of course he couldn't have. But how..?

She looked at her mom, then at Hotch and then back at her mom.

"JJ! My God..What happened?" her mom said.

"Mom.. it's Smitty.. he's in the hospital..." JJ gathered her courage to speak.

"What?" her mom asked in disbelief.

"I was going to meet him at a crime scene at the woods.. but this storm.. branches were falling.. when I found him he was lying on the ground.." JJ choked up, she immediately pictured him on the ground with that horrible groan. The sound was filling her head, when she realized that her mom was talking to her.

"You were in the hospital all this time? How bad is it?" her mother looked awfully pale.

"The blow to his head caused a swelling in his brain.. they can only tell what the damage is if he wakes up" she was ... heavily. Fighting against the tears. The if-part hadn't slipped her mother's attention.

"I'm going over there right now" her mother grabbed her bag while JJ gave her the address.

Hotch walked down the stairs. It was the first time they met since his phone call. It was silent for a moment, while his worried face was taking her in.

"Are you hurt?" he asked softly.

The moment he asked her she could feel the cut in her arm sting. It had stopped bleeding and she had ignored it in the hospital.

"Just my arm" she replied as softly as he'd asked.

He carefully took her arm in his hands as he inspected the cut. JJ started to feel very small when Hotch's intensive stare went over arm.

"I don't think it has to be stitched, but it certainly must be disinfected" he finally said, "why don't you wash off the dirt while I'll search for an emergency kit?"

"It's in the left cabin in the kitchen."

After JJ had taken a short shower and after Hotch had attended her arm they sat down and JJ finally asked the question she'd been wanting to ask since she had seen him: "So what are you doing here?"

"I got a phonecall from your mom, telling me she was worried about you and if I got get you off the research that I apparently had given you."

JJ felt how she started to blush, she could've guessed this.

"What did you say?"

"That I would see if I could help you out with the research."

"And you immediately hopped on the first plane to Penn?" she asked suspiciously.

This time it was Hotch that started to feel uncomfortable.

"I've tried to call you first.. but to be honest it wasn't the first call I received. Will had also called me, telling me he was worried about you."

Will! She'd almost forgotten about him. He'd gone behind her back! She angrily looked away. He'd betrayed her.. again.

"Are you.."

"I'm okay" she snarled at him. What else had Will said? Instinctively she wanted to feel her cheek, but she was able to suppress the urge.

She stood up, she wanted to walk away, but she knew she couldn't. So she nervously walked from one corner to another.

"So JJ, what is this 'research' about?" he asked firmly.

She owed him an explanation, she knew that.. but it didn't make it any less difficult to begin..

"Let me show you."

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They were sitting on the floor in the guestroom with their backs against the wall, again staring down at the women and girls.

"I've taken a look, but I couldn't see any significant patterns, except for the woods" Hotch said.

"I know, neither could I" JJ frowned, she knew the answer was in there.. hidden..

"So what are you searching for and why?" Hotch knew she needed a bit of space to tell what was going on.

"I'm searching for a common factor.. a killer. Because.. well" she sighed, this was the hardest part "for about a week I've been receiving phonecalls.. Calls from someone I don't know. They immediately were very threatening."

"Threatening? What did he say?"Hotch frowned, he couldn't hide his concern.

"In the first phonecall he started with "_Jennifer, Remember me" _he told me not to hang up unless I wanted to lose my mother as well" she remembered not to let her mom too far out of her sight.

"As well?" Hotch asked.

"Like the rest of my family"

"Why didn't you inform us?" he sounded more accusing than he wanted.

"I'm not sure.. I wanted to but.."

"But what?" JJ didn't reply "but what JJ, what stopped you?" Hotch repeated.

"I don't know.. He'd said that he knew what was on my mind and that I shouldn't do it. He called me Jenny."

"Does that mean something to you?"

JJ looked at the floor.

"JJ?" he whispered.

"The only one who ever called me that, was.. my sister Rosaline" that thought had lingered somewhere in the back of her mind, but it was weird to say those words out loud.

"You think he knew about that?" Hotch asked.

"Well, I don't know how he could've known.. it was so many years ago.."

"One thing is certain, these are very personal calls" he let the Jenny thing rest.. for now at least.

JJ nodded. "It feels like he knows me, but I have no clue who he is.. the way he speaks, the words he is using.. he'd said "our friend" before.. before Smitty was.. "

Hotch stared at her silently. She no longer tried to hide her distress. She looked really tired as she automatically put her arms across her chest as if she wanted to shield herself. He wanted to reach out his hand, comfort her. But he was always a reserved man and pretty reluctant when it came down to physical contact. Sometimes he caught himself whishing that he was more like Derek Morgan, who had no problem offering someone his shoulder or to put his hand on someone's shoulder. Or for that matter even Dave Rossi. It came so natural to them both.

"You think he has something to do with him?" he asked breaking the silence.

JJ told him about the latest phone call and what she thought she had heard before the call was ended. Hotch listened to her silently and seriously.

"Why do you think your caller has anything to do with the murders of these woman and girls?" he wondered.

"In one phonecall he just said 'all those pretty deaths...' I know it's so thin and weak to go on, but I started to look at the statistics. The death rate in this jurisdiction are pretty high last two years. Higher than you'd expected" she took her time, collecting her thoughts. "When I left from Smitty with these boxes, he'd called me, saying that I followed his bread crumbs."

JJ slowly dared to look at Hotch. His eyes were soft, just like his facial expression.

"I will help you, if you let me" he spoke with his pleasant voice.

JJ nodded.

She felt how he put his hand on hers, it was as if an electric sparkle ran through her body the moment his fingers touched her skin. She saw how he swallowed as he bat his eyes.

His thumb slowly stroke the back of her hand. Then he let go.


End file.
